Slowing spiraling into the abyss

The last time I worked on a post was well over a month ago. Unfortunately, I didn’t get around to finishing it. Shortly after starting it I was hit with a downward trifecta. My wife and I were struggling in a way that we hadn’t before. We wondered if we should even move forward as a couple. Then, I got news that my uncle was very sick, it was touch and go. Later my Mom was hospitalized. She had a pretty good scare. It just got to be too much. Some days were overwhelming and debilitating. Each day I felt as if I was losing more and more energy. Many days I was barely going through the motions.

I fought to be present, however I could not generate enough energy to turn the corner. It was more just little spurts here and there. Most days I don’t see a lot of people and not much is required of me socially or otherwise. It is a blessing and a curse I suppose. People and community keep us connected. It is vitally important. Somehow, I had forgotten that.

This week I have finally started to feel better. Thank goodness. I’m getting out and interacting with others. At times it isn’t easy. I just must get through. Once I do, I feel relief. The effort is worth it. All of this has me wondering how I could have slipped so far and, more importantly, what I can do in the future to avoid such a complete drain, or, how I can head it off when it starts happening.

On my best days I have so much energy it is amazing! I literally skip when I’m out on my 3–5 mile walks. The things I can accomplish and the flashes of insight and/or creativity just amaze me. I’m so with the flow and feel light and free. I understand that not all days can be that supercharged. In fact, it is likely that I get more energic days than most. I am grateful for that.

While I was down, I kept thinking about how I got so remote and isolated. It is my sense that I am not alone in that feeling. Many people are likely finding themselves in a place where they feel disconnected from our recent past. The pandemic really messed with life as we knew it. Early on there was a lot of talk about getting back to normal; then it was talk of the new normal. All of that may be true. Let’s face it though we are a long way from where we used to be. Our lives have been disrupted in ways unimaginable.

My hope is that we can all eventually settle into our new circumstances. Perhaps many have already. I just don’t know. My thoughts are focused on the little things that can add up and create a routine that keeps me connected. My wife and I are doing better. We have joined a community in San Antonio that allows us to meet more people. We are getting out and expanding our horizons. After 2 ½ years, we are meeting people that have similar interests. I am grateful for MeetUp and the possibility with this new community.

One thing that I had consistently done during the past month while feeling completely flat was to touch a sign that I had created. Wellness begins daily. Today I took a picture of that sign to add here. It surprised me when I had looked at the sign and noticed that one of the letters was missing. Just like me, it wasn’t whole. It has been repaired. Hopefully I am more aware and gaining wholeness too.