My reintegration was a little messier than anticipated

About a week ago we returned from a 19-day trip to Europe (primarily Amsterdam). It was magical! The city is just so amazing. There was a feel of utter acceptance and determination within the people that is hard to describe. So much movement and coordination surrounded by beauty. I just love foreign travel. Each experience requires a shift – language, currency, time zones, electrical outlets, cell phone usage, weather, climates, habits, etc. All the usual ways of doing things require awareness and often assistance from others. You are living out of a suitcase and sharing a space, and it is awesome!! I just love the adventure of it all. Amsterdam touched me.

Now, back in my own environment, I’m struggling slightly. Apparently, I was more jetlagged than I thought initially. Much of my focus centered on trying to revive my Fitbit, sort out my travel snafus and deal with my blog suspension. Tracking my habits and activity through my device grounds me in some way. It is an understatement to say that I am attached. Tracking step activity and then eventually some much more health data is something that I have been doing for about 20 years. So, when the many attempts to recharge my device were unsuccessful, I felt lost. I’m now without a device that I use religiously. I was struggling with the surrender bit. At the same time, my blog site was suspended. I got confused with the renewal. Could I really justify the cost for something I engaged in so infrequently and lack talent for? In the end, I must have thought so. The travel issues are still being sorted.

Two days ago, I had a nasty fall and sprained my wrist. It happened so quickly. That’s the scary thing. I was playing frisbee with Shay. When I moved away from the rail my feet just got twisted. I knew instantly I was going down. It was like slow motion, I was trying to determine the best direction to fall, but I was surrounded by things with no clear path. When it was over, I found my shin was banged up and bleeding. I was on my ass surrounded by dog treats looking at my baffled spouse. It wasn’t until later that I realized my wrist was sore. I tried to ignore it at first. Based on my assessment it isn’t broken. My movement indicates a sprain. So, for now, my left hand is not as useful. I’m becoming aware of just how left-handed I really am.

This morning I find myself asking, “Why is it that we have accidents or suffer injuries when we are trying to make changes?” Is it just coincidence? A day before my fall I had committed to a seven-day period of daily yoga and pilates practice (yogalauties is what I call it). Although I have doing both more often, I was trying for something more consistent. It just feels great when I’m on the mat. Oh well.

And all those other expressions that used to irritate me so completely. I don’t like being put off. Particularly when I have put my mind to something. That’s why I wonder if the accident is a coincidence, or just jetlag and clumsiness. Clumsy is just a label I don’t like for me. I’m not sure if unaware is any better.

More important than the reason for the fall is my recovery from it. The goal is to avoid something similar in the future. I’m working to heal my wrist, accept my limitations and to cultivate my awareness. Day by day.