“A person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being”…

…the definition of mental health. It’s complicated. Years ago (1990 to be exact), I had a mental break. At the time so many people were worried. It was important not to fall apart. I was raised by parents that were led to believe that your mental health was synonymous with mental toughness. It you were strong enough, you didn’t break. Breaking was for those weak or frivolous. It was an embarrassment, and it called the parents into question, along with the weak soul.

At first, I was pretty freaked out about the break. Part of me had gone beyond the point of no return and I was at a loss as to how to bring it back. To this day I can recall crawling under my futon and wanting to be safe. I was home alone; I had made it back from Los Angeles where it began to unravel. For all intents and purposes, I was safe at home. Only, I wasn’t. I had crossed over and I couldn’t get back. Not only was I to be shamed, but my parents were also. My Mom tried to comfort me and to get me back in line. It is hard to say what my Dad did or felt. This was women’s territory. Both my parents loved me and wanted me to be well, they just didn’t know what to do. I was 26 years old.

My cousin just recently died. He had a heart attack. We’d been through that as a family not long ago. He would be heading home soon. Only, he didn’t head home as was predicted. Things shifted dramatically. My cousin died when life support was removed three days following his heart attack. He went peacefully. He was finally out of pain. My cousin was suffering with mental illness. He was deeply depressed following his Mom’s death. He sank so far; he couldn’t get back. Along the way, we either saw evidence of his grief or heard rumors. It was very apparent that he was suffering. Yet, despite his overwhelming grief he continued day to day with his duties and service. Many tried to intervene to no avail. It was challenging for all, particularly for those closest to him.

Although he and I were not particularly close, when I got the news, I had to go and to be with my family. No question. I needed to be with the family clan. We’ve had a lot of deaths lately. Within three months we lost both our priests! As a result, It is likely that our childhood church will close. I suppose we knew this day would come, still it was oddly jarring. Although many of us no longer practice Catholicism as adults, that church has always been our family’s place of shared faith.

Our Irish catholic upbring and family traditions around death are full of love and offer opportunities to heal. The ceremonies and time together are a celebration of life for our departed. It’s amazing really. My wellness journey allowed me to be more open to heal. What first started as a diet and nutrition pursuit has become as much about my mental health as my physical health. No longer am I able to ignore my trauma or that of others. Events have happened that have altered our conditions regarding our psychological and emotional well-being. Mental health issues thrive in our family from generational trauma. My Mom’s Dad committed suicide when she was 17 years old. He meant the world to her. And, one day he was just done. Worse yet, she wasn’t really allowed to talk about it let alone grieve properly. Rather, as one of the older siblings she was expected to take on additional responsibilities and to ignore her hurt. Counseling wasn’t available. The tenor of the time called for normalcy. Admit nothing and pretend like all is fine. It is a survival mantra that has its price. We need another way.

So many people are suffering these days in all circles of life. Anxiety, ADHD, COD, gender dysphoria, grief, addiction, isolation, and depression to name a few more common conditions. Too many people are self-medicating. Too many people are falling through the cracks. Too many people end up on medications that seem to harm more than help, often resulting in homelessness and/or incarceration. How are we helping?! We are fighting our battles while interacting and living with those fighting their own. It is hard to know what’s what. Mental health is discussed, and help is encouraged, yet it doesn’t see our current modality is really helping. We need a better way.